Lighter Side

What is life if there is not laughter? Welcome to the lighter side of flyfishing! We welcome your humorous stories here!
February 14, 2000

Tying One On

by Jack Ohman

Put your hook in the vise. If it's smaller than a size 12, consult your ophthalmologist beforehand. Now wind on the incredibly fine thread all up and down the shank of the hook. After you've accidentally broken the incredibly fine thread, start over.

You are now ready to tie on the tail. Take a hackle feather, tear off about 15 hackle points, and tie them on. Make sure the tail is sticking straight out. Having performed this procedure, get out some dubbing wax and rub a little gob of it between your thumb and forefinger. Warning: It's pretty gross. Now get some rabbit fur or some of that synthetic stuff gleaned from carpet remnants and kind of wrap it around the thread that should be hanging down. It isn't? Hmm.

Anyway, you are now ready to tie on the wings. This is a real pain, particularly if you're trying to tie on duck feathers. You have to make them stand up just so, and one always seems to wind up on the bottom of the hook. Keep the glue off it. Oops. Nice move.

Now that you've welded the wings together, it's time to tie on the hackle. Tie the hackle feather just ahead of the welded wings, and then wrap it around the shank of the hook. Take the end of the feather and tie it off. The artistic part comes into play here. Tie off the head. Put a blob of black glue on it. Make sure you don't put it over the eyelet. Whoopsie daisy. Too late. Now take the hook out of the vise. You'll want to avoid breaking the barb off the hook. I said, you wanted to avoid breaking the barb off the hook. Gee. You'll have to start all over again. ~ Jack Ohman

If you like Jack's fly fishing humor, be sure to look for his new book, GET THE NET! published by Willow Creek.

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