Lighter Side
What is life if there is not laughter? Welcome to the lighter side of flyfishing! We welcome your humorous stories here!
September 27th, 1999

Yuffies, Hippies, Geezers and Worm Drowners

by JackOhman
From Fear of Fly Fishing
We thank Jack Ohman for use permission.

NAME: Elliott Abrams Richardson IV
OCCUPATION: Bond Trader
RESIDENCE: Upper East Seventies brownstone, Manhattan
AGE: 35
QUOTE: "Sell."

Elliott make $730,000 a year trading pieces of paper with French bond traders. It's a stressful life; Elliott used to unwind by taking martinis through an IV bag and inflaming his nasal passages with cocaine, but he decided that he needed a hobby to help him relax. Elliott chose fly fishing because it's a little - not much - cheaper than his recreational drug intake.

Elliott doesn't have a good selection of fly water to indulge his habit, so he usualy charters a plane up to Maine or New Hampshire instead of roll casting for condoms - "Chicago Trout" or "Coney Island Whitefish" - in the East River.

This year, Elliot will spend $32,256.50 on fly fishing equipment. He lives within limousine distance of the Orvis store, and like to go there on Saturdays with his American Express Platinum/Plutonium card (credit limit: GNP of Australia). To keep a little stress in his hobby, Elliott likes to attempt to tie intricate Scottish salmon flies; this way he can sniff head cement and get a little buzz if his tying technique is a bit off. Elliott caught two browns (aggregate length: 13 inches) and seven brookies (total weight: one lb., two oz.) last year in the Kill rivers. Elliott doesn't like to actually touch fish - "Blows my manicure all to hell" - and thinks he might make a down payment on New Zealand next year so he doesn't have to share any riffles with riffraff. ~ Jack Ohman

If you like Jack's fly fishing humor, be sure to look for his new book, GET THE NET! published by Willow Creek.

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