Lighter Side

What is life if there is not laughter? Welcome to the lighter side of flyfishing! We welcome your stories here!
November 20th, 2006

The First Fall Feast

Created By James Castwell
Announcer: Hello. I'm your professional announcer here with a story about that 'First Fall Feast.' It took place in a rock solid little settlement called 'Plymouth.' They wanted to call the place 'Chrysler,' but that name was used.

We are inside one of the cabins where plans are being made for a huge celebration. The Pilgrims are glad to have survived this far in the colonies and are planning a great feast to mark the occasion. We join our grateful group as the well known, Captain James Castwell, is speaking to Lady Fisher.

Castwell: Lady Fisher! We must pitch-eth a great feast. I'm hungry. And, by the way, I be'eth grateful also.

Lady Fisher: For sure, your Lord-ship. We should-eth invite-eth a whole bunch-eth of the folks from 'round-a-bout here-eth.

Castwell: Zounds, you're right. The more the better. Might as well make it a national holiday too. In honor of it I, Captain James Castwell shall proclaim a national fish too! Good grief Lady Fisher, talkin' like that, ya sound like Katherine Hepburn in True Grit.

Lady Fisher: Huh? Heartburn? You've got heartburn? Anyway, a National Fish? We are not yet a nation. Can we do-eth that? Could it be a 'Colonial Fish' instead? Why do we need a National Fish anyway?

Announcer: Castwell shuffles his feet, hems and haws and, gesturing with his right hand he continues,

Castwell: A-hem, a-hem, haw, haw. Trust me LF, someday the whole country will thank me for coming up with the brilliant idea of a national fish and a special day to eat the thing too. You betcha-eth. Plenty of Trouts 'round here about-eth! Let my get-eth my Izaak Walton fly pole and tie on my Theodore Gordon 'quill-bodied' dry fly.

Lady Fisher: JC, now 'you're' sounding like 'Cooper.'

Castwell: James Fennimore, Jackie or Gary?

Lady Fisher: The last one of 'em, the actor fella. Anyway, never mind. Why a Trout? Why not a nice fat... Turkey? One like our pet, 'Old Tom'? Now, there's a good idea! A nice, big, fat, Turkey! If only we had a spare one, and not just 'Old Tom.' JC, go into the woods and shoot a nice, big, fat, turkey. One like 'Old Tom.' "Gobble...gobble...gobble!"

Announcer: Lady Fisher waves her arms excitedly as she reaches above the cabin door to get Castwell's rifle so he can go into the woods and shoot a nice, big, fat, wild Turkey. One just like 'Old Tom.'

Castwell: Hold on there, LF. I'm outta bullets fer that thing, but I do have my trusty long fly rod. If not a 'long rifle,' why not a long rod? So, that's it, it's gotta be trouts, or...nuts and bugs. Anyway, what do ya got against a national fish? What's wrong with a national fish I ask?

Lady Fisher: Okay. But a 'national fish,' it still sounds silly to me. Do you think in the future big families will sit around dining room tables, being grateful and giving thanks over a pretty platter of properly poached trouts?

Castwell: Sure they will, little lady. They're beautiful and everyone will love them. At least once a year. When do you think-ist we should pitch this wing-ding-eth?

Lady Fisher: I was going to have the feast of Thursday, but if it's going to be fish, maybe we should move it to Friday, the religious thing ya know?

Castwell: Leave it on Thursday, might roll into a four day weekend sometime. LF? Did you ever look at a Turkey? I mean, squar in the eye? Really look at one good? My Lord, talk-eth about ugly. Look up 'ugly' in Goggle and up-eth comes a picture of a turkey, no foolin'!

Announcer: So a few days pass, the invitations have gone out and the guests for the 'Giving Thanks' day feast are arriving. Excitedly, Captain Castwell comes running into the clearing where they have all gathered for the 'feast of gratefulness.'

Castwell: Lady Fisher! Lady Fisher! I didn't catch any fish! No Trout for our feast! I only had one fly and I didn't keep my back-cast up-eth and I stuck it in a tree! I've lost my fly, I have no fish, and I have failed. Now we shall have no national fish and no holiday. What ever shall we do?

Announcer: For dramatic effect, right here the music plays some really weird stuff to heighten the suspense as this skit is starting to drag a bit.

Lady Fisher: There is no time. We have no choice. It has to be 'Old Tom!' Castwell, you're going to have to... snuff-eth 'Old Tom!'

Announcer: Here is where Lady Fisher has her big scene. This is the soliloquy which later brings her fame, if not fortune.

Lady Fisher: Oh, my dear Captain Castwell...James. I know how you so wanted to declare a national fish and now this happens. There shall be no fish for the feast of gratefulness, or whatever it is you are calling it. 'Old Tom' will have to 'come to the rescue,' so to speak. And just think-eth, from now on, no fish for the 'giving-thanks' feast, it will have to be just an ugly old turkey. All those dinner tables of grateful folks staring at a rigidly roasted rotund repast instead of a product of the pursuit of a piscatorial pastime. A turkey, not a trout. Alas. What ever shall they think of us in years to come. And all because you didn't keep-eth your back-cast up-eth. But, JC, there might be one thing they can be thankful for. Maybe some don't like fish and actually would prefer turkey for a feast. I know you didn't get to name a national fish since you didn't catch any; but, maybe it could be a national bird? A turkey perhaps? Okay, sorry...just joking. And you didn't get to name a holiday either. Oh well, come on, I'll get the hatchet. Poor, poor Castwell... "Here Tom!, Here Tom! "gobble, gobble, gobble-eth."

Announcer: And so ends our little story of the 'First Fall Feast.' Here now are the real LadyFisher and Castwell with a real 'Thanksgiving' message.

Lady Fisher: On a serious note, JC and I do want to express our best wishes and hopes for a wonderful and Thankful Thanksgiving to you and yours. We tend to put too much emphasis on the dinner and desserts, and let the thankfulness remain unsaid. Or perhaps your family isn't 'into' prayer - just make a statement before the dinner that you are grateful to live in this country and share the seasonal meal with your family.

Castwell: Asking each person at the table to say what they are grateful for is a nice touch, and you just might be surprised at the responses. We really are very blessed and thank YOU for coming here to share FAOL with us.

LF & JC: Happy Thanksgiving!

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