Ain't Nature Natural?
by Ed Zern
From To Hell With Fishing published by
When fishermen come home from a day's fishing empty-creeled, and
you say well, where are the fish, ha ha, they say look, bub, can't
you get it through your thick skull there is more to fishing than
But when you say what, for instance, they are stumped.
Sometimes they mumble around about getting next to nature. But the
fact is, fishing has no more relation to nature than Spit-in-the-ocean with
deuces, treys, and one-eyed face-cards wild.
Take trout fishing.
Trout are raised in hatcheries and fed on ground-up horses. They are
not even allowed to have normal sex relations. When a boy trout starts
sidling up to a girl trout, a couple of nature-lovers grab them and squeeze
their milt and roe into a pan.
The little trout are kept in tanks until they're several inches long. Then
they're loaded into nice natural tank-trucks and hauled out to a stream
or pond and dumped in.
When they find there is no horse meat in the water, they go around gnawing
at beer bottles, mattress springs, tin cans, old galoshes, worn-out girdles,
Silver Doctors, and the other natural articles found in trout streams.
As a matter of fact, the most popular trout in America - the brown trout -
isn't even natural to this continent. It was imported from Europe in 1884.
If it knew how to get back there, it would probably go.
The only reason there is any trout fishing in most states is that
Conservation Departments have learned to kick Mother Nature in the
teeth every time she comes messing around.
When you hear a fisherman talking about the beauties of nature, you can
rest assured he would not know the old lady if she knocked him down
and sat on him.
And if you got a better idea, let's have it. ~ Ed Zern