1) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and
all the impersonators would be dead."
~ Johnny Carson
2) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
~ Paul Rodriguez
3) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but
they turned sixty and that's the law."
~ Jerry Seinfeld
4) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in
case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file
line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?
What, do tall people burn slower?"
~ Warren Hutcherson
5) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
~ Oscar Wilde
6) "Suppose you were an idiot And suppose you were a member
of Congress... But I repeat myself."
~ Mark Twain
7) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school
student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
~ A. Whitney Brown
8) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog
will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right!
I never would've thought of that!'"
~ Dave Barry
9) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
~ Unknown, presumed deceased
Lighter Side Archive