Lighter Side

What is life if there is not laughter? Welcome to the lighter side of flyfishing! We welcome your stories here!
July 4th, 2005

The Big One?...ya right
By Betty Hiner

So, you want to know how I hurt my hand? The "big one," ech? Well, yes, but not of the aquatic variety.

Actually, it all started six years ago when we moved back to Olathe, Kansas. My husband Cary REALLY wanted to bring some of Virginia back to the mid west, so "we" brought 24 little, innocent ivy leaves, all in little rooting pots... 24 little freeking leaves! (excuse me...I digress). So I carefully plant each of the leaves, nurture them, coddle them, fertilize them…well, you get the picture. The first year was fine. The second, I removed about 1/2 a yard bag of "excess" vine-ing. The amounts double for each consecutive year. Last year there were about 4 full bags.

Meanwhile, Cary is feeding the birds...about 40 pounds of seed every couple weeks.

We have mounds of ivy; beautiful, green, lush ivy. We have fat, happy birds. We have...arraggahh... mongo field mice!...sunning themselves on our patio! The size of a Saint Bernard! Happily feasting on the excess birdseed dropped into the ivy by the birds, that has been piled into the feeder, by Cary, in great quantities. Cary freaks. He refuses to go out on the patio. Traps are me...mice are me. When it is once again safe to venture out, Cary puts Decon in the ivy. Mice appear to have departed (operative word "appear").

Bird feeding continues.

When we return from South Dakota, the mice are bigger than that St. Bernard. That's it! The ivy must be brought under control! Does Cary help me? Does he even feel he may have had some input into the situation? Hell, no. Not a big deal...but keep in mind, Cary has laced the ivy with multiple packets of Decon.

When you have your hands all wound up in, and firmly gripping ivy, that has roots the size of an oak tree, and you lift up little bitsy, bleached-white, back and rib bones, and a tuft of gray fur in that tangle of ivy...well, you have a tendency to move your hands really fast! Thus, ripping tendons in two fingers, and down into my hand. (Then, add insult to injury... I dislocated my ring finger, middle knuckle, trying to remove my ring, after waking the next morning to find my fingers so swollen they wouldn't bend, and my finger turning blue.) Just after ripping my hands out of the ivy, I unmercifully grabbed a shovel, and took out every freeking bit of ivy I could find and filled in the area with nice, clean, sweet-smelling mulch!

Still have birds coming to visit, but I haven't seen a mouse since then.

All because of 24 little, tiny leaves. And that's how I hurt my hand! ~ Betty H.

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