1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back
in your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn
by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest
of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot
of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look
back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot
easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt
so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter
came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full
of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when
you stop lying about your age and start bragging
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem
worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to
go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything
either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without
getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about
aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how
splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old
Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground
with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's
And finally ~ "If you don't learn to laugh at
trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at
when you are old."
Lighter Side Archive