1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one
carrion per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The second one, naturally became known as the
lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak
and heat it, too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up
to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddist who refused Novacaine during a root
canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" one asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I don't
want chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal'. The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him 'Juan'. Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture she tell her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, "They were twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up
a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug
in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can
prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him. . .what? (oh man, this is so bad,
it's good) A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was a man who sent ten different puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.