Lighter Side

What is life if there is not laughter? Welcome to the lighter side of flyfishing! We welcome your stories here!
June 16th, 2003

The Compleat Angler (revised)
By Jack Ohman

All manner of thynges have chaynged in the pursuit of and anglinge for Troute. I visited upon an Avon seemingly teeming withe the Troute in question, and was well outfitted with the newest and most advanced Rods, Reels, and Flyes.

Well I knew the Anguished Cryes and consternatione of the angler who equipmente had fayled. I am accustomed to Cane and symplest of lyne, so I stoode in the Brooke to field teste the new equuipment. At once I spyed a risynge Troute and was sore tempted to toss a Garden hackle or Earth Worme at the fysh, yet well I recalled the Admonitiones and Warnynge of Purists who do not of necessity neede to catch the Troute. So Goode Sporte that I indeed be, I put asyde the thoughts of the Meat angler and tyed on the most meagre of flyes (size 22 creame midge) and gossamer leader.

Instantly the Troute rose and I importuned him to accept my Tiny insecte. No Luck as Suche, so I tyed on another and another, until I was able to determine that the Troute in question was a Selective One. One That Won't byte come Helle or Highe Water.

I attempted to execute Rolle Castes and Slyngeshot deliveries of My Forwarde weightede lyne. The Troute rolled and Boilled as if to mocke my Fruitless efforts. More and more pyssed off I became as I maniacally replaced minature terrestrials and teeny nymphs and Gaudy attractors and still the risynge Troute slapped Maerrily on the surface.

I tryed six weights and five weights and even a laughable four weightede rod and lyne and so on. The Troute knew not my Brande Names and Boron Rod and power Butt and engrayved reele, and scarce I coulde place blame on him.

"Screw you," I mused as a ripost to the Taunts and mockingyne Behaviour of the Troute and I heav'd the Winston rod and the Hardie reele and the Scientifik angler lyne far into the Brooke. I wente scavenging in the mud for a Large worme and tyed it on to my Olde Cane Pole and tossed it in the Vicinity of the Troute, who tooke it Hooke, lyne and synkere.

So I reeled in the God Damned Troute and consumed it on the banke of the Brooke and To Helle with the delicate Presentatione. ~ Jack Ohman

Credit: This is an excerpt from Fear of Fly Fishing by Jack Ohman, published by Willow Creek.

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