KW Morrow, White River

August 2nd, 2004

If I Were The President
By KW Morrow (silvermallard)

You probably couldn't help but notice it's an election year. In my hometown there are so many signs stuck along all the roadways that you can't actually read any of them in particular. Instead, you just see this blur of red, white, blue, neon orange and day-glo yellow buzzing by along the roadsides. Radio and television news seems preoccupied with every minute detail of what is going on with the Democrats and the Republicans. And every day there is a new poll out that says the same thing as the last three.

But every four years, when the Presidential election rolls around, I cannot help but wonder to myself what I would do if I were President. This year, I decided to actually commit my list to print instead of just sharing it orally at cocktail parties. So here it is:

    If I were the President:

    We'd have a four-day work week. It's hard to get two full days of fishing into a two-day weekend.

    I'd place price controls on sporting goods, subsidize the industry, and make all sporting goods purchases tax deductible.

    Hunting and fishing licenses would cost a dollar, but you'd have to pass a rigorous test before you could buy one.

    I'd introduce my dog to everyone I considered appointing to be a judge. He's a better judge of character than I am.

    I'd make all insurance companies mutual companies, owned by their policy-holders, and I'd turn all banks into credit unions.

    I'd give the people the right to bill the phone companies if they screwed up their monthly bill.

    I'd outlaw those annoying menu options on the answering machines at every business you really want to talk to and provide tax breaks to companies who hired real people to answer their phones.

    and finally, I'd have DARPA invent affordable breathable waders that LAST! ~ Ken

    About Ken:

    Ken graduated from Southern Methodist University in 1988, and spent the next several years serving in the United States Navy as an intelligence analyst and Russian Language translator. He is a veteran of Desert Shield and Desert Storm. Leaving the nation's service in 1993.

    Ken is also a published outdoor writer and historian, having penned articles and stories that have appeared in several national hunting publications like North American Hunter magazine, on GunMuse.com, in regional and local newspapers, and historical and literary journals. He also provides hunting and dog training seminars for Bass Pro Shops and other sporting goods retailers nationwide and works with other outdoors businesses and conservation organizations in the fields of public relations, promotional marketing, fund-raising, and advertising. He also is a partner in Silver Mallard Properties, LLC. He currently resides with his wife, Wilma, their Weimaraner, Smoky Joe, and their Labrador Retriever, Jake, in Branson, Missouri, where he founded the Branson/Tri-Lakes Chapter of Ducks Unlimited in 1998.


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