Welcome to Just Old Flies

Welcome to 'just old flies,' a section of methods and flies that used-to-be. These flies were tied with the only materials available. Long before the advent of 'modern' tying materials, they were created and improved upon at a far slower pace than todays modern counterparts; limited by materials available and the tiers imagination.

Once long gone, there existed a 'fraternity' of anglers who felt an obligation to use only the 'standard' patterns of the day. We hope to bring a bit of nostalgia to these pages and to you. And sometimes what you find here will not always be about fishing. Perhaps you will enjoy them. Perhaps you will fish the flies. Perhaps . .

Part Fifty-three

Fat Girls, Motorcycles and Fosters Lager

By Old Rupe

Over the years my act has been far from pristine. I can't remember the last time I've been held up to the public as a good example. I drink more beer than I should and I associate with low life fly fishers, most of which wouldn't be allowed in my neighborhood bar on a slow day. I only go there on rare occasions since their standards are rather high, and I need a place to go for psychological counseling several times a year. More frequent visits would probably bar me. My bartender is sharper than most medical dummies that hand out Prozac and Zoloft and she has a nicer looking profile. Maybe doctors should be evaluated on how their jeans fit. A new way to evaluate health care. My doctor does jeans better than your doctor. Finally an objective evaluation of the medical profession.

I have over the years toured Central America and Europe on a cycle. Usually with my fly rod in a case on the back of my bike, fishing those targets of opportunities that presented themselves to the day-to-day traveler that are generally ignored.

Our foreign policy should be based on the same criteria fly fishers use to evaluate a country they visit. A country should be rated on the number of good trout streams it possesses and the quality of the honeys that are available to its fly fishers. Global strategy carried to its ultimate analysis. No trout and no honeys equals no foreign aid. A simple evaluation of the worlds problems. What you see is what you get.

I remember a trip through Mexico's Yucatan peninsula where I stopped off the beaten path for a beer or two at a roadside stand that sold oranges and such. All the locals had shotguns and machetes. I couldn't resist after a few beers a comment or two about how Mexicans just didn't understand the manly art of drinking. I opened a bottle of my scotch and when I left they were throwing up oranges and shooting them with their shotguns and one was trying to balance an orange on the tip of his machete. Another scotch drinker was going to shoot that orange blindfolded. Time to motor on. The Mexican peso can be a risky thing. Fishing was great though.

I remember in France a young honey I picked up on my cycle who hadn't washed since she had been born. When I dropped her off I washed the seat on the bike. Even good trout fishing won't make up for a lack of soap. Let the Franc fall as it will. I will probably never return.

Italy had some fast trout streams in the mountains that the locals fished with "loop" rods and casts of 5-6 flies. They guarded their young honeys and the streams were too fast to fish with conventional methods. I recommend that we let the Lira float. Who needs Italy? I will have to admit that the people were great and I loved the food and sites.

England was a different story. There I met a nice honey who worked cutting the tops off of carrots. And had a fly caught pike that amazed the locals. The young honey was the better of the two. Never let fishing interfere with young honeys. Support the Pound. I'm afraid to go back. I might stay. I wonder where she is now?

Greece was the country with the weird alphabet that didn't allow the young honeys to talk to foreigners. No trout and no young honeys should preclude even a letter to them. They even flavor their wine with rosin. Greece should be ostracized from most civilized interactions. A nice place to visit for tourists but bring your own drinks and leave your fly rod at home. Fly fishers should be warned. A veritable desert. Nice history and places to see, but the important things just were not there. Fly fishers should avoid it like Sunday afternoon children's piano recitals. I never acquired a taste for lamb.

Spain had great fishing and the best young honeys in all of Europe. I can't understand why I left. Next time I go to Europe I'll probably just fish Spain. Honeys, trout and great people. Maybe I'll just spot a cycle there. The best country on main land Europe. Really nice mountain trout fishing, and some amazing fly tiers. My English carrot cutter must have had Spanish roots.

I've slept under almost every bridge in Europe. I probably missed one somewhere but I can't imagine which country I slighted. I've seen Central America and Europe like few of our ambassadors have.

How many times has our Secretary of State stood on Tonya's dock in Belize and caught a thousand ocean catfish on a fly? Each was only 10 inches long but it was an experience I'll never forget. Sleeping under bridges and eating in cheap restaurants gives one a different view of a country. The experience of a nice fish on a fly rod goes a long way toward erasing a lot of a countries problems.

Drink more Fosters Lager, spend more time on the bike, appreciate cute young honeys and try to wear out your fly rods. Try to vote in officials that view life the same way. Evaluate countries not on what they need but on what they have to offer.

Vote for the Fish Party. This party is sponsored by the Motorcycle Manufactures Group, Gatti rods and Fosters lager. Our goal is more trout and good looking young honeys. Not a bad combination I think.

Support the party. Fly fish hard, and buy young honeys drinks. Never let them take away your cycle.

PS - This article was quoted from the autobiography of the same title: Fat Girls, Motorcycles, and Fosters Lager - Buy more Fosters and the book. ~ Old Rupe

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