The Periodic Table - Bureaucracy Style

Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. It is also known in some scientific circles as Bureaucratium.

These 312 particles are held in place together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every energy force or movement with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a day, to take from 4 days to 4 years.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years.

It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places (also called promotion).

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass.

When it is catalysed with money, Governmentium undergoes a chemical change, reformulates, and becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that consumes just as much energy as Governmentium, but has half as many pillocks and twice as many morons.