Outdoor Writers Association of America
This Week's View

by Deanna Lee Birkholm

November 22nd, 1999

So It Could Be Worse

This was a terrible week. JC fell and broke a couple of ribs, so all the 'normal' things I do were shoved down the list while I played nurse. Unfortunately it wasn't fun and games in a foxy little short-shirted nurse outfit and a cute hat. It was take care of a guy very much in pain.

Over the years we came to an agreement, we could not each be sick at the same time. Amazingly it has really worked. Maybe it is all mental anyway.

So as I was struggling through trying to take care of JC and get everything in order to produce this week's issue, I received an email from an outdoor writer friend in Florida. It not only saved the day, but got me back to reality. I share it with you here.

Next time you think you're having a bad day, here's hoping your day is better than any of these:

    1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale.

    2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an ax leaving her mentally retarded.

    3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came down eight hours short of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.

    4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Till that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

    5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

    And the capper . . .

    6. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Thanks Walt - I needed that! ~ LadyFisher

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