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August 7th, 2000

Nationalization - Just a Thought
By James Castwell

(There, it's plugged in and running, I can get this done before she comes in. The others think I am just playing with this lap-top. Tee, hee, hee.)

I learned today that the U.S. Government has decided in the interest of protecting the environment and promoting the healthy recreation of fly-fishing to 'Nationalize' fly-fishing. This will be automatically funded with the 'excise' tax already paid on fly-fishing equipment by the participants. They feel this is a fair method of funding as the dollars for the necessary bureaucrats and agencies to oversee the operation will be born directly by those involved.

As they feel the individual states have not done well enough providing fishing water they have involved the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers to consider channelizing all relevant rivers, streams and creeks. This should obviate any problem with riparian owners and their respective states. No one wants frivolous law-suits.

Mike Croft art

It is felt with the promised addition of 100,000 'fish-cops' on the streams and lakes the muggings and robberies will fall off to an acceptable level. All fishing seasons will be set by the new department at the Federal level. Fish are fish, one season fits all.

It has been proposed, but not ratified yet, that since each of us has a unique DNA, the code be tattooed to our inner lip at birth, (or before, that has not been settled either),we just smile and be scanned to apply for each days fishing license. The alternate plan would use ordinary check-out scanners from defunct grocery stores and a 'personal UPC code' substituted. Debate looms on this. The reportedly proposed new department of 'Federal Drivers Licenses' noted that some people smiling just do not look really good.

Personally, I had thought of tattooing my social security number on the outside of my middle finger so as to be able at a moments notice, show anyone who requested it my co-operation in one simple gesture. I have not yet promoted this idea, but may start a national movement soon, just need to think of a name for the organization.

Mike Croft art As fly-fishing does require being able to read multi-syllable words and some even with hyphens (these things -) that some interest should be shown to the department of education. With that in mind they have decided to outlaw the use, raising and selling of worms.

It is felt that so doing will discourage their use and not promote lesser types of fishing (you all know what that is). To that end they feel a person should be able to spell 'fly-rod' by the time they are old enough to use one.

Although they freely admit some problems with past programs dealing with nuisance passenger pigeons, wolves and some others, they site the great success they have had with the U.S. Post Office and will shape the Department (Fish-R-US) after it. Since many states already require a special 'stamp' for various fishing activities it seemed a natural progression.

No more will the gut-wrenching calls be heard such as, "Hey Bubba,howyaduin?" "Wachausin?" "Asunsnytecralrs."

Yes, we can all sleep better (including the nocturnal version of some terrestrials) now that 'Big Brother'... make that 'Big Uncle' has taken over control.

Plutocrats are scrambling to position themselves on the correct sides of any upcoming issues. Thought is being focused on until now meaningless items. Things like depleting springs of water for bottling and therefore dropping the flow of water to small feeder streams. Unconsidered till now, inconsequential details of effluent degrading water sheds, pesticides killing fish, fertilizer causing weeds to grow in streams, warming the water and depleting the oxygen levels.

As much of fishing is already under the control of several Government Agencies, all doing fine jobs, the complete take-over has been expected, indeed feared by some narrow-minded, agenda-promoting, self-serving reactionists, however after a few more studies and evaluations the 'skids are greased' and the take-over should be painless. In fact, you may not even notice it.

"Mr. Castwell?"

'Yes, nurse?"

"It's time for your electro-shock treatment, now turn off your lap-top computer and put it away for today."

"Can I pretend I am a writer tomorrow, nurse?"

"If you eat your meals and play with the others nice, and stop that drooling right now!"

(After dinner I am going out and pick some night-crawlers, tee, hee, hee. I sneak out a lot these days.) ~ James Castwell

Till next week, remember . . .

Keepest Thynne Baakast Upeth

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